I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
