can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
