where does the pee come out of this thing
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize