I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
