Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
