I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
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