Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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