I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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