saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have aggressive nipples.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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