oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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