Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
