you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
