You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize