They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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