Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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