9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
