i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
