All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I deserve this hangover.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
