I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
