Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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