I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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