don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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