Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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