he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
