my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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