i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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