The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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