I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize