Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
