Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize