Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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