What a fucking waste of an outfit
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
