I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
