yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
