I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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