I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
