Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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