Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
