my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
