I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
