I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
