It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
