Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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