ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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