I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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