dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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