I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
