she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
