I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
then he tried to convert me to islam
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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