how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
