If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
