Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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